yeezus-fish:

when a stupid slut asks if there’s going to be a swimming pool

(via andrewtoddh)

haven’t been to this platform in years, but it seems like the least amount of people I know in real life follow it so that’s a start. I’m tired of not having an outlet I can release my feelings into, something secretive where I’m not being judged by people who think they know me just cause. don’t get me wrong though, I could give a fuck about being judged I just don’t wanna share everything… like being emo as fuck for instance, let me be sad, and don’t say anything. if I say I wanna die it has nothing to do with wanting advice on how to better myself or my life. i’m living my best life in 27 years… I’m just still a little fucked up and sad. let me rant and be free. sorry if you’re reading this thinking it’s going somewhere. it’s not, but it will be my sad girl journal..

lots of things have changed in the past 3 years.. I’ve accomplished so much but I’m still just getting started, career wise. in every other aspect I feel as if I’m at a halt. I’ve been with someone for three and a half years now, and I love them more than I’ve ever loved anyone… but I fear that I’ll never know what it’s like to be loved as much as I love. it always feels like I’m giving more than I’m receiving, like I’m only a part time lover and a full time friend. they have a serious issue with connecting deep feelings, they aren’t good at welcoming intense emotions. I have to pry it out of them to know what’s going on, and it’s weird because they’re such a high energy person, even though they’re shy it’s like there’s a cap on it. They can be so nice and positive but when shit gets real they shut down, don’t know how to handle it, ignore the problem and hope it goes away. sometimes I think it’s just me, that I’m thinking way too much into irrelevant things… and most of the time that’s true.. but what about that? what about the way I feel?? why can’t you connect with me and at least tell me it’s gonna be okay, why do you linger in the doorway as if I’ll stop crying on my own? you are never the culprit of my problems but when I do try to conquer issues I’m left alone. I’m alone when I’m not alone and I think that’s what’s fucking me up lately